Just finished reading Happy Brain - where happiness comes from and why, and it made me happy - at least while I was reading it. Here's what I learned:
If you really want the cliff notes version, I will validate your inner Mr. Ping* and say upfront - there is no secret ingredient! It is not one thing that makes us happy but many small things. Instinctively, I already knew that, and it was reaffirmed in the first couple chapters, but I kept reading. Why? Because it was fun! Dean Burnett - a self-proclaimed dabbler in standup comedy, in addition to being a neuroscientist - has a knack for explaining science with humor. Humor, I like!
He starts out exploring the different things that can make one happy :
The chemicals involved in different aspects of our brain function - Dopamine (reward and pleasure), Endorphins(pain prevention), Oxytocin(the love hormone), Serotonin(mood regulator)
Our homes - shelter, comfort, safety
Work - satisfaction, purpose, money
Relationships - validation, support, fame
Love - affection, sex
Humor and laughter - pleasure, enjoyment
The darker things that make us happy - addictive foods, gory games
All of these have some role in happiness, but with caveats and conditions. In most cases - money, fame, etc - there is a limit to how much makes you happy and beyond that, it could actually make you unhappy. Ultimately what makes you happy is subjective, uniquely you. Also, what makes us happy changes over time. What makes babies happy is not what makes adolescents happy. And what makes us happy at 25 does not always work its magic at 45 or 65.
One common theme across all of these turns out to be "other people". Our ability to find happiness in all of the above areas is dependent on the presence of other people. We are a social species and how others behave and interact with us affects our happiness.
The good news is that a lot of things can make us happy and we can and should continue finding things that make us happy because happiness is one thing that is able to counter the negative effects of stress. And no matter what you think, or who you are, stress is a constant in our life. We no longer just have to worry about food and shelter and not getting killed, now we have to worry about enough money for the next house and whether the bridge you're on is going to fall or whether you're doing enough to help the victims of that overseas tragedy or if a new virus is going to wipe us out or if you have enough space for all those photos you take and on and on, a million other things. So think of happiness as a tool to counteract that day-to-day stress. Seek it out in whatever fashion you can!
The other good news is that our ability to seek out things that make us happy stays with us no matter how old we get. And that realization makes me happy!
*If you don't know who Mr. Ping is, watch Kung fu Panda. Bonus: that'll make you happy!
Agree that we as social species always look for validation from others and if that’s positive, it makes us happy. I like your suggestion that we have the ability to find things that make us happy. For me, being with my family and friends is one of the things that makes me happy and realizing that makes me happy! Cheers!
Since stress is going to be constant, I like this suggestion Rima: "The good news is that a lot of things can make us happy and we can and should continue finding things that make us happy because happiness is one thing that is able to counter the negative effects of stress."